The situation in Haiti is complex, to say the least.  A natural instinct when faced with complexity is to simplify by assigning black and white hats to the players in order to keep them straight.  But the $64 Million question is who should wear the black hat?  UNICEF?  International adoption proponents?  Orphanage directors?  For better or worse, the situation in Haiti defies simplification and easy categorization.

Haiti in some ways is a microcosm of the larger debate on the place of international adoption in a third world country’s child welfare system.  In other ways, Haiti stands unique in the degree of poverty and family disintegration.   These problems existed before the earthquake, but the earthquake has exacerbated the problem and focused the world’s attention on Haiti for this short time.

I have been following bickering between the various non governmental organizations in Haiti, trying to understand the underlying cause.  Conflict seems to exist between UNICEF and Save the Children on one side and all other child welfare NGOs on the other.  Disagreement also seems to exist between the long standing charitable organization that have been working in Haiti for a long time and those that have come in after the earthquake.  I should be very clear that I have no first hand information on what is happening on the ground.  I am reading everything I can and talking with people who are there, but my information is exclusively second hand.

As you know from previous blogs , I have been critical of UNICEF’s public pronouncements on adoption.  I think their earlier statements served to create unnecessary divisions in the international child welfare community.  Their concerns, however, about the potential for international adoption to be used to the detriment of Haitian children in not all together misplaced.

The Haitian culture has historically “accepted” placing children in institutions. This same cultural acceptance exists in certain Eastern European and African countries as well.  UNICEF estimates that prior to the earthquake, one out of every 10 Haitian child (some 400,000 kids) lived outside of their family.  No doubt this number is growing exponentially after the quake.  I struggle with being culturally sensitive to this practice since all research points to its destructive affect on children.  The fate of these children is not good.

The WSJ article stated that UNICEF was eager “to wean Haiti off its adoption system.” Prior to the earthquake, however, international adoption (mostly to the US, France, and the Netherlands) was the reality for only about 1,500 Haitian children each year.  The antiquated Haitian adoption laws have done the weaning for UNICEF.  The 10 year marriage and childless status requirements have guaranteed that most Haitian orphans will never be adopted, and most of those that are adopted will have spent years waiting.

Rather than worrying about adoption, it seems far better to wean Haiti off it system of selling kids.  An estimated 2,000 children per year are sold for domestic service primarily to wealthy families in Haiti and the Dominican Republic.  This number is a guesstimate and is likely higher. Aid groups estimate about 300,000 Haitian kids under that age of 18 are currently working as domestic servants.  In addition, an untold number of Haitian children are sold into prostitution.  The rest of the 400,000 parentless children spend their lives on the street or in the approximately 177 governmental orphanages and 200+ orphanages run by non governmental organizations.  Some of these orphanages are funded by foreign relief groups and provided plenty of adult caregivers, well stocked pantries, and an education.  The majority are not.

What is clear is that there is no shortage of Haitian parents who are willing to “give away” their kids.  A French government representative commented on this phenomenon:  “Something [in Haiti] isn’t morally correct.”  This statement shows a lack of understanding of the effect of generations of poverty.  Many desperately poor parents know they have little to offer their children in the way of food, clothing and education.  They dream, just like all parents, of a better life for their child.  Giving a child away may well seem like the best way to secure this better life.  In some cases they view this as a temporary solution.  In some cases, they maintain contact with the child.  However, it doesn’t help to sanctify all parents who place their kids in orphanages or give them to strangers.  Addictions, mental illness, adultery, incarceration, and abandonment exist in Haiti, as they do throughout the world.  All countries have their share of lousy parents.

The media coverage of Haiti has highlighted the confusion over the term “orphan” because the common definition differs from the legal definition.  Most people think of an orphan as a child with no living parents.  While that child is indeed an orphan, she is seldom available for adoption in any country.  In most functioning families, relatives step forward to raise their own when tragedy strikes.  Almost none of the domestic adoptions in the US and very few of the international adoptions of children to the US involve children with no living parents.  The vast majority of adoptions are of children whose parents are unable or unwilling to raise them.  The parent may realize that they aren’t ready to parent and know someone else would do a better job; the parent may be too poor to provide for the number of children that they have; the parent may be addicted to drugs or alcohol; the parent may be married to an abusive spouse and can’t provide for their child as a single parent; or the parent may have remarried and the new spouse doesn’t want to raise the children of the previous marriage.  There are as many reasons as there are children, but from the child’s perspective it doesn’t much matter—they are “orphaned” all the same.  US and international law reflects this reality.

Natural disasters or war can change this paradigm.  Some of the children wandering the streets alone or living in the UNICEF and Save the Children tent shelters may have no living parents.  But chances are good that even if their parents are dead, they have extended family.  We need to make sure that our good intentions to help these children don’t undermine what is truly in their best interest.  I’ve had my beef with UNICEF, but they are taking steps to prevent children from being needlessly removed from their community and relatives.

UNICEF is actively registering unaccompanied children and providing shelter and food.  The children are interviewed to find the name of aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  If these relatives can be found, they are asked to take in these children.  The most important part of the reunification project is that UNICEF and other NGOs are supposedly offering long term financial support for these newly formed families. This is a phenomenal idea and bound to result in more extended families stepping forward.  I certainly hope that UNICEF will continue to support these families for the long run, not just for this year.

I am assuming that UNICEF is hesitant to place these children in some of the existing orphanages because they aren’t certain of their quality and intentions. (Check out God’s Littlest Angels blog and the Livestay Family blog )  Good orphanages exist in Haiti, but plenty of sleazy ones exist as well.  I also wonder if UNICEF is concerned that even the better orphanages should be avoided because they may not support family reunification as the first option.  This seems a bit paranoid to me.  If the orphanage is located in the same area as the child lives, surely the good can be separated from the bad.  Proper safeguards could be set up that allow time for families to find each other and be reunited. In the meantime, the children would be cared for by experienced staff and the cost of caring for these children could be shared with other NGOs.

As much as I applaud UNICEFs efforts to reunify families, I firmly believe that a time limit must be set for the reunification process.  I acknowledge that this process is man power intensive and time consuming.  After the 2004 tsunami, these efforts took five months in the hardest hit areas.  This certainly seems like a reasonable time frame.  Given the chaos in Haiti, I would be willing to give them at least six to eight months.   At some point, however, parentless children will remain, and the final step must be finding a permanent family for these children.  For many, this permanence will be an institution in Haiti, and we need to double our support for these orphanages.  For some, international adoption should be the solution.

It’s easy to lay out a step by step plan, but the devil is in the details.  It seems that in Haiti, the more orphanages that are built, the more children that will come. The very existence of the institution serves to pull the children away from their families.  Although it may be understandable that very poor parents think that someone else can care for their child better than them, it is not in the best interest of the child.

The conundrum is how to care for children when parents aren’t able or willing, but at the same time discourage other parents from abandoning their children.
There are no easy solutions for Haiti.  But in the face of such overwhelming complexity, I can only revert back to the basics.  This much I know:

•    If at all possible, children need to stay within their families. Our first priority should be to support families.
•    If children can’t live with their parents they should be placed in nearby institutions.  These institutions should make all efforts to keep parents involved in their children’s lives through weekend and holiday visits, conferencing about big decisions, etc.  Tent shelters are not a permanent solution.
•    If parents aren’t able or willing to be involved on a significant level with their children, then all efforts should be made to find a permanent family for this child, first in Haiti and then anywhere else.  Parents should have a firm time limit on how long they have to get and stay involved before adoption is sought.
•    Haitian adoption laws should be rewritten to prioritize finding homes for children.  There simply are not that many childless couples that have been married for 10 years that are going to step forward to adopt older traumatized institutionalized kids.  Experienced parents may well be the best fit for many of these kids.
•    No matter what changes are made to the Haitian adoption laws, international adoption will be the solution for only a very small percentage of the Haitian children without parents.  Much thought and cooperation between the NGOs with long standing operations in Haiti, UNICEF, Save the Children, and others will be needed to strike the balance between providing for children without encouraging abandonment.  The “us vs. them” attitude described by those on the ground is not helpful.

I want to believe that what is best for children is crystal clear, but it’s seldom that easy, and in Haiti it’s never that easy.  Yes, I’m tired of being consumed with thoughts of Haiti.  I can only imagine how tired the Haitian people are.  The difference is that I have the luxury of moving on; they don’t.

P.S. I am not in Haiti so must rely on what I read and what I’m told.  I know that some of the readers of this blog have first hand knowledge, and I’m hoping they will share what they know.  In the meantime, the WSJ article was the best analysis I’ve seen in the popular press about what is really happening with children in Haiti—now and in the past. Also, NPR Morning Edition aired a very touching story on this subject the same day I posted this blog.

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Hi, Dawn. I love your site, I love your manner.  Do you have any words of wisdom for families where one parent feels sure and confident in a child’s special needs file and the other one does not?

My husband and I are about half-way through our home study and intend to adopt from China’s special needs program. Last week, we came across a blog of a family who has adopted a girl with albinism. We were touched and added that condition to our list of needs to consider. Today, our agency sent out a list of profiles and there was a 3 yr. old girl with albinism. It was just crazy enough that I thought it might be God. I asked for her file, and when I saw it, I did not feel the “this is our daughter” or “just knowing” that many moms speak of, but when I showed it to my husband, he was excited and ready to pursue her. Thoughts?

Yes, I’ve had lots of thoughts.  I distrust that feeling of “just knowing’. I’m not sure why exactly.  Maybe it’s a right brain/left brain thing, and for better or worse, I’m more of a left brain type.  Or maybe I’m a little jealous of those gifted with certainty, since I’m usually stuck with questioning, second guessing, and stepping out on the limb with just faith, hope and prayer. Although this question deals with seeking certainty with an adoption, I hear it from people throughout the trying to conceive/infertility/adoption spectrum.  “I just wish I knew for sure whether __________________ (this next cycle would work, donor egg is right for me, to adopt, I’ll regret stopping treatment).  I feel your pain.

I’m afraid of heights—well, terrified really.  A couple of years ago, we went to a
Family Weekend at a nearby camp with our two younger kids. We had a great time doing family art projects, music and games and were looking forward to the promised special treat in the afternoon.  I had visions of S’mores, or at the very least hot cocoa, but when the time came our perky fearless counselor announced that the special treat was the high ropes course.  For the record, the word “treat” should only be used in connection with the words “chocolate” or “frivolous purchase of shoes”.  It should never, repeat never, be used to describe an experience involving thin ropes precariously strung three stories above a concrete floor.

Since death defying feats deserve proper attention and encouragement from the ground (and since I was scared spitless), I selflessly volunteered to be the group cheerleader.  Unfortunately, one of my kids quickly decided to join my cheerleading squad.  What a parental dilemma!  I didn’t mind being a chicken, but I did mind patterning that behavior for my child.  (Being a role model sucks!)

Sighing deeply and cursing my discomfort with hypocrisy, I told my son that I was really scared, but that I knew it was safe and that I didn’t want to miss something just because I was afraid.  He could decide for himself, and it would be OK either way, but I thought I would try the course.  He, no doubt also sighing deeply and cursing my discomfort with hypocrisy, said he would try if I would go first.

Now here’s the illogical part of fear: I was totally harnessed in and on a belay rope the entire time.  Logically I knew that I could not get hurt—embarrassed, yes; physically hurt, no.  But logic was nowhere present as I stepped out on that rope.  Making that first step took every bit of courage I could muster, and every step after was a step of faith.  I wanted desperately for a handrail to add certainty to my steps, but all I had was a very thin rope.

For me, that’s how it is with most of the big decisions in life.  I know a lot of people report a sense of “just knowing” what is right, but I seldom have it.  In fact, it almost seems like cheating or taking the easy way out.  In my mind, big decisions should be weighed; pro/con lists should be made; a certain amount of angst should be experienced.  I also wonder if others really have the sureness at the time, or if it is only after the fact that they remember “just knowing for sure”.  It’s easy to know what’s right when you see how it turns out and to forget the uncertainty, the fear, the confusion, and the fervent prayer experienced when actually making the decision.

So, here’s the truth: there were moments when I was scared to death before our adoption.  I dithered and debated with myself about whether her special needs were too big or too unknown for us to handle. Were we nuts to have so many kids?  I wondered if I was making the right decision for my children, or if I was I selfishly satisfying my desires to their detriment.

My approach to big decisions is to combine research with my self-named “preponderance of feelings” theory.  I read everything I can find, talk with people, weigh pros and cons, and take frequent readings of my emotional temperature.  If my fear and uncertainty is going up, that’s a sign to back away.  If they’re going down, even slightly, then that’s a sign to move forward.  I take a day or two where I try to walk through the day living out the decision.  What would my day be like if I decide one way or the other?

Once we accepted the referral, I had more and more moments of blissful certainty.  After I held her in my arms I was overcome by clarity.  That was my pattern.  I know that for many certainty doesn’t come the moment they hold their child.  It may arrive months later with a smile or a hug.  Some don’t ever need to know that they made the “right” decision.  For them, it only matters that this is the life they are now living.

I don’t know whether this is the child for you, and I would never tell you to put your concerns aside and just step out on faith.  What I am saying is that I wouldn’t let your lack of the mystical “knowing” be the deciding factor.  Rely on how you have made big decisions in the past?  Research albinism and all that it would mean for you to parent a child with this condition and what it would mean for your family.  (There is no better place than the Rainbow Kids Special Needs page for starting this research.)  Read up on albinism at the National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation website.  Talk with your doctor and a specialist.  Analyze how well this child’s age and gender would fit within your family structure.

I suspect part of your uncertainty comes from how quick this referral came.  You haven’t had much time to prepare mentally for any child, much less a child with albinism.  If you still have a lot of fear and uncertainty after you’ve paid you dues with research and indecision, then maybe that’s your answer.  I work on the theory that each spouse has veto power over major life decisions.  It’s fair for your husband to try to educate you and sway you, but if you still say no, then the answer is no.

I wish I were a person who didn’t want the handrail of certainty in life.  I know deep down that there are no guarantees of a perfect decision leading to the perfect happily ever after, but I still envy those people who think otherwise.  For me, I’ll just have to be content with stepping out on that very thin rope with a lot of faith, hope, and prayer.

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Over the years (Gulp, that sure makes me sound old!), I have talked with many adoption experts and therapists about this question, and there is disagreement about the advisability of continuing to pursue infertility treatment and adoption at the same time.  Those that oppose pursuing both are concerned that on some level (perhaps unconsciously) you will consider adoption second best.  They view continuing treatment as a red flag that you have not come to terms with your infertility losses and may have trouble bonding with your adopted child.  The financial drain of pursuing both may also put undue stress on the family.  Others do not think pursuing infertility treatment and adoption are mutually exclusive and that it is possible to pursue both without lessening your commitment to either.

I have mixed feelings.  While I see it as possible to pursue both in an emotionally healthy way, I also think that it’s harder than most people anticipate.  Infertility treatment is all consuming—emotionally and financially.  As long as you are in treatment, there is still hope, and as long as there is hope, you have not had to come to terms with all the losses that infertility presents.  Infertility is not just the loss of being a parent; it is also the loss of having a genetic connection to your child, the loss of being pregnant, the loss of the opportunity to breastfeed, the loss of seeing the “perfect” mixing of your and your spouse’s genes, and the loss of your dream about how your life would play out.  Adoption only addresses the loss of being a parent, not all the other issues you need to grieve.  It is not until you stop treatment that many of these losses hit you full force.  Before that point, they are just theoretical.  I’m here to tell you that there is a world of difference between a theoretical loss and a real loss.

From my experience, it takes time and commitment after fertility treatment stops to work through the various losses associated with infertility.  It also takes time and commitment to pursue an adoption.  You owe it to yourself to work through your infertility grief, but mostly you owe it to your soon-to-be child to do this work.  You also owe it to yourself and your child to not get pregnant right before or right after she comes home.   In an ideal world every child deserves the limelight alone for a little while.  If you decide to pursue both, seriously consider talking with a therapist who specializes in infertility to make sure you are really ready to whole heartedly parent an adopted child.  No child deserves to be anything but first in his parents’ eyes.

P.S. I strongly recommend the fabulous book Adopting: Sound Choices, Strong Families by Patricia Irwin Johnston. The first part of that book addresses the various losses of infertility and suggests a plan to help you work through your grief and decide if adoption is right for you.

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If anyone should have approached the home study with confidence, it should have been me.  After all, I thought of myself as a successful parent, despite certain evidence to the contrary.  The interviews at the social worker’s office were a breeze, almost enjoyable, but as the time for the first home visit approached, anxiety began to creep in.  I cleaned and organized in a frenzy that would put Martha Stewart to shame.  For some reason, on the morning of her visit, I bleach the kitchen countertops to kill all germs.  I’m not sure why I thought it was important to have a germ-free countertop since we are big advocates of the 5 second rule– if food drops on the floor you can still eat it if you pick it up within 5 seconds counted as slow as necessary to retrieve the food.

You may be smirking, but I know I’m not alone.  In fact, compared to my friend, I was fairly sane.  The day before her home visit she cleaned the house spotless only to decide that it looked too clean to be child friendly.  After selectively messing it up to a degree that showed flexibility but not filth, she was still not pleased with the overall effect.  She decided that a bulletin board on the kitchen wall would solve the problem.  That night her husband tactfully pointed out that the blank board looked ridiculous.  She stuck up the usual organizational junk of daily life, but then decided this made them look too busy and further detracted from the kid-friendly ambiance she was seeking.  In a moment of either desperation or brilliance, or both, she drove to her sister’s house, awakened her niece and nephew, and made them draw pictures for her to stick on the board.  Compared to that, bleaching the countertops was nothing.

I now know that the dreaded homestudy is truly designed to educate prospective adoptive parents about adoption, help them decide on the type of child they can best parent (age, special need, race, etc), and evaluate their ability to parent an adopted child.  It’s that last part—evaluate—that makes most of us nervous.  Our home is a safe haven, and we feel vulnerable to the possibility of it being judged as lacking.  While no one likes the idea of being judged, the home study process seldom warrants the worry it generates.

Home studies must meet the requirements of your state, the requirements of the child’s state if adopting domestically from another state, and the requirements of the foreign government and the US Citizenship and Immigration Service if adopting internationally.  Some adoption agencies also have home study requirements.  I realize that just listing all the different regulatory bodies has probably scared you spitless, but don’t panic.

The state requirements are usually focused more on the actual safety of the home environment, such as the presence of smoke alarms, fire extinguishers, and basic child proofing.  Some states have requirements on bedroom size and well water testing.  Ask you social worker ahead of time for a list of these requirements.  The foreign and federal government requirements, and most agency requirements, are more focused on preparing and educating you about adoption.

Most home studies involve three to five interviews with the social worker.  Agencies differ, but most will schedule a few interviews in their office and one interview in your home.  If you are married, the social worker will usually interview you and your spouse jointly and individually.  In the best of all worlds, the interviews are a give and take of information.

I have talked to people who approach the home study like they would cross examination at trial: the less said the better.  Undoubtedly it is possible to outsmart your social worker or to even lie and not get caught, but it likely isn’t necessary and it prevents the social worker from fully educating you and helping you decide what type of child you are best prepared to parent.  And remember, if you are caught in a lie, it may very well prevent you from adopting.  If you have any questions about how something in your background will be viewed, ask your adoption agency before the home study.  If your home study agency is different from your placing adoption agency, make sure you ask both.

Adoption agencies want you to succeed in adopting.  Although they want to exclude obvious nut cases or child abusers, it is not their intent to stand like a sentry at the gates of parenthood judging the worthy.  There are no perfect parents.  (Although I know a few who think they are, this smugness generally doesn’t last past the diaper stage.)

To prepare for our home visit I found it helpful to practice a visualization technique I developed.  Rather than visualize calm soothing images as recommended by those with years of training, I visualized my social worker over sleeping, yelling at her kids as she ran out the door, leaving chaos in her wake.  By comparison to that image, I figured my house would be a calm oasis, a virtual respite in the storm.  Never underestimate the power of delusional thinking.

If you have survived the dreaded home study, please post a comment on whether is was as bad as you thought it would be.

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According to news reports, Laura Silsby was the energy and “brains” behind this operation.  The others on the team were friends and fellow members of Silsby’s Idaho church and a nearby church.  About two years ago Ms. Silsby founded the New Life Children’s Refuge to “rescue, love, and care for orphaned, abandoned, and impoverished Haitian and Dominican children.”  Apparently, New Life’s goals also included rescuing, loving, and caring for run away teens in Idaho with hopes to build a large dormitory and education complex near her home.  Along with big plans, Ms. Silsby also had big financial problems.  Her business, Personal Shopper, had an outstanding judgment against it in Dec. 2008, which remains unpaid, and in December 2009, her house was foreclosed.

New Life’s plans were to purchase land on the northern coast of the Dominican Republic, but it’s not clear if any land had been purchased before the quake.  Ms. Silsby traveled to Haiti and the Dominican Republic twice in 2009 (July and early fall).  Plans were accelerated after the Jan. 12 earthquake, and New Life rented a 45 room hotel on the north Dominican Republic coast.  The group of ten adults and teens left the US on Jan. 21 for the Dominican Republic, and drove a bus to Port-au-Prince to “gather 100 orphans from the streets and collapsed orphanages” to bring back to their rented space in the Dominican Republic.

The minister of their Idaho church has said that before they left for Haiti Silsby was in contact with a Haitian pastor that runs several orphanages.  However, other reports of the group’s first days in Haiti show them traveling to different orphanages in Port-au-Prince offering to take children and being turned down.  At least one orphanage director told them that their plans were illegal.  A journalist also told them the same.

Their search for children to rescue continued and they moved away from the most damaged areas of Port-au-Prince and eventually ended up in a nearby town.  Here the information is sketchy.  The news has consistently reported the following:

• The group eventually ended up with 33 children ranging in age from 2 months to 13 years.  From the news videos, most of the children appeared to be school aged.
• At least some of the children were “voluntarily given” to the group by desperately poor parents because they were promised that the children would get an education.
• A Haitian minister signed something saying that New Life “had permission” to take the children.
• The ten adults/teens and 33 children were stopped when they tried to cross into the Dominican Republic and were eventually charged with the lesser charge of child abduction, rather than child trafficking.

It’s hard to even begin to list the mistakes Silsby, New Life, and the Idaho churches made.  They didn’t coordinate with local child welfare nongovernmental organizations in Haiti.  They didn’t heed the advice of more experienced voices once there.  Most important and most egregious in my mind, they didn’t educate themselves beforehand on how to set up a child welfare facility/orphanage in a culturally sensitive way that maintains ties between children and their families and communities.  I saw video footage of Silsby the day they were arrested telling the Haitian officials that she didn’t know their “rules”.  Well, duh, if you are trying to set up a child welfare institution in a country, the first thing you have to learn is the law.  The second step is learning about best practices in child welfare.  What has worked well in the past for children and what hasn’t?  Hint: taking children to an institution in a neighboring country is likely not considered “best practice”.  These preliminary steps are not glamorous or sexy or fun or appear as noble as cuddling a child, but they are the necessary.

This group has been accused of child trafficking for adoption, but the facts don’t support this conclusion.  New Life documents state their mission as loving and caring for Haitian and Dominican children, but equipping “each child with a solid education and vocational skills as well as opportunities for adoption into a loving Christian family.”  Adoption was at least a part of their plans.  It is doubtful, however, that adoption was the primary motivation.  The group did not “cherry pick” very young kids in their rescue efforts.  There is no evidence that they obtained documentation at the time they received the children to facilitate later adoptions.  (That, however, may be further evidence of ignorance rather than lack of intent to traffic for adoption.)

Perhaps most striking as a lack of primary intent to traffic for adoption is that they were bringing the kids to the Dominican Republic.  If you were trying to set up an orphanage primarily for adoption, you would certainly not take the children into another country.  Which country’s adoption laws would govern?  Would the children retain Haitian citizenship?  Would the children and staff continually be required to return to Port-au-Prince for paperwork?  Haiti isn’t a Mecca for international adoption in the best of times because the Haitian adoption laws are Byzantine (to mix a metaphor) in their complexity and severely restrictive.  If adoption was anything more than an incidental outcome, these folks were ignorant beyond belief.  Older children, without proper paperwork, living in an orphanage in another country would not be easy to place for adoption.

I am drawn to this story in part because I feel a certain kinship with Silsby and the group.  I understand all to well the desire to take action, any action.  In the last several weeks, I have wished that I had some useful skill that would justify going to Haiti and doing something other than sending money and praying.  As a Christian, I believe in the power of prayer.  As a realist, I believe in the need for money.  But, oh my, it would sure feel more satisfying to be getting my hands dirty.  Unfortunately, I know that my pull to jump in and just do something is essentially a selfish wish.  I don’t have a direct conduit to God any more than anyone else, but I know how easy it is to cloak my desires as a divine mandate.

I am trouble by the glee I sense in some of the media coverage of this incident.  News reports repeatedly referred to them as a Baptist group and the New York Times referred to them in today’s paper just as The Baptists.  Why the focus on their religious affiliation?  I wonder if the media would so label a group of Buddhists, Taoists, or Lutherans?  When speaking of the radical wing of Islam, reporters are careful to call them Islamic extremist or drop the religious reference entirely and call them “terrorist”.  Where you place the “ist” makes a difference.  Baptists are an easy target for religious prejudice by the main stream media.

I’ll have to admit that my perception of media bias may be influenced by defensiveness.  As a person of faith and an adoption advocate, I don’t want to be grouped with these people.  I cringe that others will think they represent most Christian orphan’s ministries or international adoption advocates.  At the risk of indulging my defensiveness, I’d like to point out that much of the on the ground, back breaking, unglamorous work in Haiti is being done by religious groups, of all affiliations, including the Baptists.  By far, the “best” orphanages in Haiti are supported by religious organizations, and much of the work on “best practices” for orphanages is being done by religious groups throughout the world.

Ultimately a picture is developing of a group with good intentions and little thought—a dangerous combination.  Good intent doesn’t excuse their actions. What they did was wrong, and it was disrespectful of Haiti.  It was not, however, evil.  Lumping it with child trafficking for sex or slavery minimizes the horror of child trafficking.

Those who want to help children in Haiti must be a little more cautious because of this incident.  Orphanages are worried about being too active in accepting children and medical groups are afraid to bring children to the US for surgery for fear of being labeled as a trafficker.  This is a political nightmare for US government which is walking the tightrope of leading the relief efforts in a country that is very sensitive to outside intervention.  It demands precious time from already overburdened Haitian officials.  Above all else, it is a distraction from the huge real needs of hundreds of thousands of Haitians that are barely surviving.  For the actions of a few, many will suffer.

Nicole Lankford, 18, one of the jailed group members said, “Our point was to draw attention to the plight of Haitian orphans.  We came here to help, not to become the story.”  Well Nicole, it’s not just the road to Hell that is paved by good intentions.

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All reputable child welfare and adoption advocacy organizations support a temporary moratorium on new adoptions from Haiti.  It takes time for families and extended families to find each other after a catastrophe.  It will take time for the Haitian legal system to function, and even more time for this system to focus on processing adoptions.  The worst thing we could do right now is to hurriedly remove these displaced children from Haiti for either temporary fostering or adoption.  After the dust settles, however, it will be time for Haiti, with the help of the international child welfare community, to plan for the expected tens of thousands of children orphaned by the earthquake and the approximately 380,000 children UNICEF estimates were orphaned before the quake.  International adoption will likely not be the best solution for the majority of these children, but international adoption can and should play a role for some.  Comparing adoption to sexual slavery and domestic servitude, relegating it to a last resort with no time limit for reaching this point, or overly focusing on the potential for adoption corruption does a disservice to the Haitian children that might be served by this option and to the hundreds of thousands of children who have grown up with the love and security of a family thanks to international adoption.

UNICEF is wise to be cautious about too quick adoptions.  New adoptions are inappropriate in the midst of a natural disaster.  UNICEF is also wise to be concerned about the potential for adoption fraud.  It exists, and Haitian children will be especially vulnerable.  But UNICEF, and the rest of us who care about children, should be equally concerned about too slow adoptions.  The reality is that the Haitian adoption process before the earthquake was a travesty for children.  Children grew up in orphanages with no contact with their biological families and no hope for an adoptive family because the process was unnecessarily restrictive (only childless couples married 10 years were eligible without a presidential waiver and obtaining a waiver often took 3 to 5 years) and burdened with bureaucratic red tape.  We have years of research showing that long term institutionalization is devastating for the mental and physical health of children.  Where was UNICEF’s indignant outrage over these children?

All child welfare organizations, including adoption advocacy groups, need to work together to help Haiti create a balanced system that will minimize child trafficking and fraudulent adoptions while encouraging permanency for children.  In theory, it’s not that hard to picture such a system.  First, we need to do everything in our power to keep functioning families together in Haiti.  Most families will care for their children, as well as their orphaned nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and cousins, if they receive help with food, shelter, and work.  We need to provide temporary care in Haiti for the children who have been separated from their families, rather than removing them for fostering abroad.  Once it has been determined which children will not be able to be cared for by their family or extended family, adoptive Haitian families should be sought, both in Haiti, as well as in the Haitian communities in the US, France, and elsewhere.

For the children not adopted by Haitian families, international adoption should be considered.  We need to help Haiti create a legal, efficient, and child focused international adoption process.  Ultimately, the decision is Haiti’s but we can suggest reasonable restrictions on international adoptions, such as licensing agencies, restricting adoption fees, and requiring pre-adoption education for prospective parents on becoming a transracial family and maintaining cultural ties.  The new adoption system should also include a reasonable time limit for how long children should wait for a Haitian family before being placed abroad.  It’s fine for international adoptions to be the “last resort”, so long as there is a date certain to know when we’ve reached this resort.

Adoption will not be the best solution for some children.  They may be too traumatized, or they may not want to leave all that they know behind.  They may want to stay and be part of the rebuilding of their country.  For these children, we need to support organizations that will provide a safe living place and an education until they are ready to live on their own.

Making inflammatory statements against one of the solutions for some of Haiti’s orphans serves only to divide the child welfare community, which is the last thing the children of Haiti need.  These children need protection from exploitation of all kinds.  A child being trafficked for any purpose, including adoption, is a tragedy.  A child growing up in an institution, however,  is also a tragedy.  I worry that in an effort to protect against the possibility of fraud for the few, we will create a system that will insure an institutionalized childhood for the majority.  A balance is possible, but only if we work together.

Related posts:

1. Can’t We Speed Up Adoptions from Haiti? Haiti had an active, if somewhat unpredictable international adoption process,...
2. Adopting a Child from Haiti Post Earthquake My heart is breaking for the people of Haiti.  As...
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It’s only fair to start by saying that lots of folks who find they are struggling with conception are open to adoption from the very beginning.  Their first choice may be to get pregnant, but they are mulling over adoption while they try.  It’s also fair to point out that others will never be ready to think about adoption.  Their Plan B if trying to conceive fails is to make peace with living child free.  But indeed, there are lots of people who fall in between, so here goes.

You Know You Are Ready to Start Thinking About Maybe the Possibility of Adoption When…

1. You find yourself noticing families that don’t obviously match and wondering if they were created by adoption.
2. You make note that these families act kind of like other families.
3. You make a second note that these families, especially the parents, look happy.
4. The thought of the next step up the infertility treatment ladder seems daunting, and fills you with weariness rather than hope.
5. When you hear of the tragedy in Haiti, rather than just thinking “How sad”, you think “Hey, there may be kids who need parents, and here we are parents-in-waiting who need kids.  Humm, I wonder???”
6. Just the tiniest little piece of you is more curious than afraid of the thought of adopting, while the rest of you is still terrified and feels like adoption would be giving up.
7. You listen to all the Creating a Family radio shows instead of skipping the adoption related shows.
8. You start to find those lists of famous adopted people fascinating. Who knew that Steve Jobs and Faith Hill were adopted?  They even seem pretty normal.
9. Your ears prick up when you hear that an infertility friend adopted. You don’t necessarily ask questions, but you don’t avoid listening to the talk.  You even find yourself reading the adoption posts on the infertility forums you frequent.
10. You start considering that there is a point where you may have to say “no” to more treatment.

Hey, the list is only 253 words! And you didn’t think I had brevity in me, did you?

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There is both so much happening and so little happening, that the confusion is understandable.  First, let’s talk about what is happening.  The US State Department and Citizenship and Immigration Services issued an unprecedented policy on Jan. 18, 2010 allowing children from Haiti that were already in the adoption process to come to the US before their adoptions are finalized.  They walked a fine line, and in my opinion walked it well, when crafting this policy.  They wanted to expedite bringing children that were legitimately “orphaned” over to the US, while at the same time, not opening the floodgate to children who could and should be cared for in Haiti.

The US does not need help in getting these kids to the US.  They also do not want or need adoptive families to go to Haiti to pick up their children.  There is an abundance of empty planes flying back to the US after dropping off relief supplies and the US Embassy is using these planes to bring home kids.  The US Embassy has acknowledged that it is chaotic right now getting orphans to the embassy and determining if they meet the criteria for expedited entry into the US (known as “humanitarian parole”), but more people thrown into the mix will not help sort out the chaos.

If you were in the process of adopting a child from Haiti prior to the earthquake, immediately contact both the CIS (haitianadoptions at dhs.gov) and the DOS (ASKCI at state.gov) with the name of your child, the name of the orphanage, and any other relevant information on how far along your adoption had progressed prior to Jan. 12, 2010.

Why you might ask, would they care about opening the floodgate for bringing all Haitian children to the US?  After all, these are children for goodness sake, and children in need of care!  I answered that question in an earlier blog (Adopting from Haiti Post Earthquake), but the crib note version is that child welfare experts believe that, if at all possible, it is in a child’s best interest to remain with their family or extended family.  We need to channel our desire to help into giving money to organizations that can help families care for their children during this crisis.  Organizations such as the Joint Council for International Children Services and  Holt International have  projects on the ground in Haiti right now to help families and help kids.

Another thing that is happening is the State Department and CIS are working on plans to expedite bringing children orphaned by the earthquake to live with family members in the US.  Although, not finalized, they hope to have this policy in place once it has been determined which children were orphaned.

But there is much frustration both here in the US and in Haiti about how little seems to be getting accomplished and how much remains to be done.  I imagine there will be a lot of finger pointing in the coming weeks about how things could have been done better, and some of the criticism may be well placed.  But honestly, I think we need to give it some time.  From what I read, relief supplies are flooding into Haiti.  The problem is getting the supplies distributed within Haiti and all the relief organizations are actively working to resolve this problem.  There are no plans at this time to airlift or boatlift or in any way bring children over to the US for fostering.

I hope that the desire of these families that are stepping forward to foster Haitian children will stay alive because in the future there likely will be many more Haitian children in need of permanent adoptive families.  No one knows when it will be possible to adopt from Haiti again, but I firmly believe adoptions will resume.  If there is a silver lining in all this tragedy, it would be the overhaul of the Haitian adoption process, which is badly in need of “modernization” (aka “improvement”).

I am so touched by the inherent good I see in so many people who never before thought they were “the type” to take in a child.  And even those who don’t want to foster a child are donating money.  Two-thirds of Americans will donate to Haitian relief. My faith in basic human kindness has been boosted.  And for this, I am grateful.

Related posts:

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In many ways this makes practical sense.  Providing food, water and basic care to orphans is difficult in the midst of a natural disaster and no one anticipates that it will get easier in the near future.  Roads, the airport and sea ports have been damaged making movement of supplies into the country and within the country problematic.  Orphanage workers are predominately woman with families.  Some orphanages have reported that they are light on staff while their workers are taking care of their own families.  It is expected that more children will be in need of institutionalized care (orphanage care) at least temporarily. So, why not get the kiddos that have loving and anxious families in the US and many other countries out of the country and into these loving arms?

Unfortunately, like many things that appear simple at first glance, once you start digging it becomes much more complicated.  Some orphanages have been damaged, and adoption paperwork and abandonment documents have been lost.  The legal and bureaucratic infrastructure and personnel have been greatly disrupted even where the orphanages themselves were undamaged.  Government and agency offices housing legal adoption paperwork have been destroyed.  Some lawyers and governmental employees are injured, dead, away from work taking care of family members, or attending to more urgent governmental business.  According to an email I received from RainbowKids , Shannon Hoffman of Angel House Orphanage in Haiti gave the following report: “23 of our 26 orphans were in the process of being adopted at the time of the earthquake. Some already legally have their American last names, and are in the last few steps of the process. The Department of Homeland Security and the State Department have to change rules or make special exceptions for these kids to get them into the country.  Most if not all of the adoption files have been lost in the earthquake. Many of the adoption case workers and attorneys have either been killed or severely injured.”

Although I want very much for these children to get out of Haiti as soon as legally possible, I don’t want to do anything that will open the floodgate of fraudulent adoptions or the appearance of corruption.  As I explained in my last blog, Adoptions from Haiti Post Earthquake, in my opinion, new adoption cases should be on hold until things settle down and the government can get back up and running.  However, there ought to be a way to expedite adoption cases from Haiti that were already in process.

The US Department of State has indicated that it is likely to expedite cases where the adoption decree has already been finalized in Haiti before the earthquake.  A few children have already made it home to their new families in the US.   These stories are heart warming, but more problematic will be the cases where the child and family have been matched but the Haitian paperwork for adoption has not been completed, or the child is living in the orphanage with little hope of being reunited with her birth family but final relinquishment or abandonment papers have not been finalized.  We hope to have more answers about this issue on this week’s Creating a Family show, Jan. 20, which will be on Adopting from Haiti Post Earthquake.

We are continuing to update the list of organizations and orphanages in Haiti that are in need of donations. You can find this list in my previous blog, Adopting from Haiti Post Earthquake.

UPDATE

It’s easy to cast stones at bureaucrats in general, but it is only fair to give kudos when they are deserved and this time I think the folks at Department of Homeland Securities and the State Department deserve a round of applause.  They issued a well reasoned and well designed approach to getting orphans out of Haiti without opening Pandora’s box. I know some of you will be disappointed that they didn’t go further, but I think they struck a good balance between providing homes for kids without risking adoption fraud or children being removed who could be, with help, cared for by their Haitian families.And they struck this delicate balance quickly, which is saying a lot.

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• Right after a natural disaster, it is surprisingly hard to determine if a child is truly an orphan or just temporarily separated from his family.  Haiti and relief organizations need to move slowly to allow immediate and extended family members to find each other.  US law supports this by requiring that all children adopted by US citizens meet the strict legal definition of orphan, and just losing a parent is not enough to meet this definition.
• Once a child is determined to be an orphan, the first step is to try to find members of his extended family or community to adopt him.  This effort takes time.  Literally and figuratively, the dust needs to settle.
• From a practical standpoint, Haiti’s legal infrastructure has been torn asunder, and heaven only knows we need an intact legal system to process adoptions. The last thing we want is another fiasco of fraudulent international adoptions.  Also, with all that the Haitian government has on their plate right now, processing adoptions is not and should not be their top priority.
• Travel to Haiti is not safe right now, and the limited supplies available in Haiti need to be used for Haitians, not foreigners traveling to adopt children.
• Orphans of a natural disaster have been traumatized, and moving to a new home, with new parents, new language, and a new culture may not be in the child’s best interest even if they can not be adopted in their birth country.
• International adoptions are a long, often drawn out process, and don’t lend themselves to the hurried atmosphere immediately following a natural disaster.

But here’s the irony: before the earthquake adoption agencies were having trouble finding families for Haitian orphans, especially sibling groups and little boys over the age of two.  There are many children in Haiti in need of a permanent family and these kids will still need families once the dust settles.  I hope that our donations to Haiti will be used in part to support families and extended families so that no new children are abandoned or placed in orphanages because their parents or extended family can’t afford to raise them.  Although that should be our goal, in reality we expect that more children will ultimately be in need of permanent adoptive families due to the earthquake and the economic crisis that will likely follow.  We won’t know the full numbers for at least 6 months to a year.  We have every expectation that international adoptions from Haiti will resume sometime this year, and I want to encourage you to consider this as an option.

Sadly, we don’t know the impact of the quake on adoptions that were already in process.  My heart goes out for those families whose children are still in Haiti.  All the families I know of have now receive word that their children are alive and safe, but I still can’t imagine the frustration of knowing your child is at risk and not being able to do anything.  It is possible that once the immediate rescue needs are met the US government will expedite these adoptions.  I hope to have more information on this in time for next week’s (January 20, 2010) Creating a Family show.

I often tell people that adopting from Haiti isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you are patient it is doable.  We have a chart describing the Haitian Adoption Process.  The Creating a Family radio show on January 20, 2010 will be on Adopting from Haiti Post Earthquake.  Adopting from Haiti is reasonable in cost and the children are simply beautiful.

In the meantime, there is so much that you can do right now to help the children of Haiti and especially the orphans of Haiti. By the grace of God, I have not heard of any orphanage that was completely destroyed or lost children. (I will continue to update this blog as new information comes in on this.)  However, several orphanages were damaged and all orphanages are concerned about getting basic supplies of food, medicine, and water within the coming weeks.  The physical infrastructure of roads, airports, and sea ports have been damaged or destroyed.  Getting supplies into the country and around the country will be a challenge and will take money.  All of Haiti needs our donations, but if you want to give to support orphanages specifically, consider some of these.  As most of you know, I seldom mention specific organizations or agencies because I feel the obligation to check each one out to make sure it is on the up-and-up.  Time simply doesn’t allow me to do that with this list.  I’ve done what I can, however, to quickly check them out. Again, I’ll continue to update this blog as I hear of new organizations collecting funds for Haitian orphans.

• Dillon International Adoption Agency has had a long standing adoption program in Haiti and is affiliated with an orphanage and hospital in Haiti.  The orphanage was damaged and the hospital is overflowing with people needing medical help.  Dillon is collecting funds for both the orphanage and the hospital.
• Holt International Adoption Agency has a long standing international adoption program in Haiti and helps run an orphanage and family preservation program there. The orphanage was undamaged.  They are collecting money to aid all Haitian and especially children.
• Carolina Adoption Services: Working with Maison des Anges in Tabarre which is home to 90 children, the majority under the age of 2 years. The children are unhurt, but the orphanage sustained some structural damage.
• Children’s House International: Working with Creche Enfante Jesus. Orhanage and children are fine but concern for food and water in the coming weeks.
• Tree of Life Adoption Center: Working with HIS Home for Children in Port-au-Prince and Foyer de Sara. Although the 100 children are safe, the orphanage was damaged and the children and staff are sleeping outside. Greatest conern is food and water.
• Bethany Christian Services: Working with God’s Littlest Angels orphanage and The Creche Enfants Jesus. Children are safe and orphanage was not damaged. They are able and willing to take in more children.
• Hand in Hand is a nonprofit adoption agency that has been processing international adoptions from Haiti for the past 20 years. They are collecting donations for two orphanages they work with in Haiti.
• Chances for Children provides the financial and strategic support for an adoption center named Crèche Enfant de l’Jèsus, currenly housing about 70 children and located east of Port au Prince, Haiti. Also support numerous local project to improve the underlying conditions that result in the number of children coming into institutionalized care.
• BRESMA Orphange was badly damaged. They are trying to get all the children out of the country.
• New Hope Haiti Mission is a non-profit Christian ministry providing care to 29 children.  The orphanage was damaged and supplies were lost in the earthquake.
• God’s Littlest Angels is a non-profit Christian orphanage in Haiti.
• Heartline Ministries runs Maranatha Children’s Home as well as many other programs in  Haiti.
• Foyer de Sion orphanage is home to 225 children. Although all the children are safe, they are in need of money for supplies.
• The Shepherd’s Crook is a phenomenal ministry finding homes for kids with special needs.  They are involved in a project in northwest Haiti building a facility for special-needs orphans.  Although they’ve put this project on hold since the quake, they are collecting funds for general Haitian relief working with Northwest Haiti Christian Missions.
• Moving with the Spirit Mission Haiti is building an orphanage in Haiti.
• World Wide Village, Inc. is a Christian ministry providing education, health care, nutrition and micro enterprise opportunities to children and families in Haiti.  Although not specific to orphans or orphanages, I felt compelled to include them since I have been following their blog since the earthquake.

Related posts:

1. UNICEF and International Adoptions from Haiti The New York Times ran an article last week on...
2. Can’t We Speed Up Adoptions from Haiti? Haiti had an active, if somewhat unpredictable international adoption process,...
3. Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? I wasn’t going to blog about Haitian orphans again. Really,...

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