Comments for Creating a Family

Comment on The Certainty of “Just Knowing” by Lindsay

Lindsay — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 19:40:44 +0000

I have been asking myself that question since 2/25 when we got “the call” from our adoption agency. As the possible adoption progresses, I try to remind myself that when we started this process so long ago, we wanted to provide a home for a child who needs one. We think we’re going to get that chance. But I keep questioning myself. My husband is much more certain. I over-analyze everything, so he is probably correct.

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:44:17 +0000

Valid point Noel!

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Noel

Noel — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:36:30 +0000

I think that is a hard question, Dawn. And not necessarily the reason children are given for adoption in America. I can really see both sides of it. We don’t require only those to give up their children for adoption in America who cannot feed and bathe them, and under that rationale, really no child should be given up in America as we have safeguards in place to provide for families that cannot provide for themselves.

I wonder if this isn’t more a question of effective birth control. Maybe my son’s nanny did not want another child. Maybe she cannot feed & clothe him because she has so many others. I have a friend who adopted in the US through open adoption – the birth mother is older, has I believe 4 bio kids and decided she just couldn’t raise another.

So, I think there are a lot of assumptions about why women give up their children in Haiti. I think more research should be done on the issue and more preventative measures with regard to birth control.

Having seen it day in and day out in Jamaica, I do kind of get it, wanting a better life for your child, so I don’t know what the answer is. But, I do see both sides of this…

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:38:09 +0000

Thanks Noel for sharing. I think what worries me the most is that the system in Haiti right now somehow accepts that your son’s nanny should place her child for adoption in order to provide him with opportunities. This woman is obviously capable of raising a child. She has a job (although may not make much money) and is emotionally able to raise a child. I assume that she is able to feed and clothe her son. There is inherently something wrong that a woman in that position should “give away” her son. I doubt very seriously if UNICEF wants me speaking for them, but I suspect it is just such a case that they would use as an example of adoption abuse. So, the question I have is how do we help Haiti create a system where only children whose parents are not able to feed them or care for them end up being adopted?

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Noel

Noel — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:36:28 +0000

PS – I forget – the website above is for our orphanage. It is run by Haitians and they also have a program/non-profit to help families keep their children. Help to feed, clothe and send them to school. That said, I know the person who is adopting the child on my son’s nanny. As hard as it is for the nannies to part with the children, including sometimes their own bio children, they truly are happy for the oppurtunity of their children.

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Noel

Noel — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:34:11 +0000

I also read the WSJ article. One thing I would like to comment on, because I have seen it before, is this notion that Americans should just give $10,000-$25,000 to a family so they can keep their child, as opposed to adopting the child. This is so unrealistic. Really, aside from Brad and Angelina, who has this kind of money laying around to give, which won’t by the way, “teach the Haitians to fish”. I lived in Jamaica while serving in the US Peace Corps. The US and other countries have been dumping money into that country for 35+ years (probably 45 by now) and it still has major problems (and Jamaica is no where near the poverty level of Haiti). Many Jamaicans are just looking for the hand outs. One woman who ran a non-profit I worked for briefly, drove a Mercedes and lived in a middle class Jamaican neighborhood, yet was stingy when I asked for money for cookies and juice for a meeting with the children – this was not uncommon – donation money to many of these developing countries is greatly misdirected and no one wants to spend the time/effort insuring that it will go to the appropriate place.

We are in process of adopting our son from Haiti who has been able to join us due to the earthquake. I certainly would not send $10,000-$25,000 to Haiti for someone else to raise a child. Call me selfish. I certainly want my son to have a better life. It was important for my husband and I to adopt a child that needed a home. However, we still wanted to joys that come along with parenting for ourselves – not an occasionally update from a family who we sent large sums of money to.

Additionally,we will continue to give/donate to our orphanage for years to come – which I believe is another benefit to the international adoptions, we feel connected to Haiti and plan on continued support – but not in the amount of $10,000 – $25,000 lump sums…

http://foyerdesion.org/

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Freida S.

Freida S. — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:28:23 +0000

I for one am glad you keep writing about this because you have the ability to cut through the bull and show both sides. I watch the news and read the paper but I don’t understand as you call it, the big picture. You are right about childless couples being married 10 years not being the ones who would automatically adopt older Haitian children. I fit that demographic and I know I’m not up for that. If anything, we might be able to adopt a baby. We need to start at the beginning and learn right along with the child. Thank you for keeping on telling it like it is.

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Dawn

Dawn — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 19:20:03 +0000

Pamela: You raise some good points. Thank you. Caritas indeed is a great organization with a very active long standing program in Haiti. You asked why I didn’t mention the Haitian government’s position on this. It is my understanding that right now, UNICEF is calling a lot of the child welfare shots since they have the most money and since the Haitian government is in disarray. If you’ve heard otherwise, please let us know.

Comment on Who Wears the Black Hat in Haiti? by Pamela Veazie

Pamela Veazie — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:12:22 +0000

I wanted to mention a few things.

You say that “all other child welfare NGOs on the other” side from UNICEF. I strongly disagree. Haiti is approximately 85% Catholic and Catholic organizations are long-time, major players in Haiti relief. Caritas Haiti, who raised over $230 Million for Haiti, is one Catholic organization has been in Haiti since 1975. Their goals reflect the rebuilding of Haiti which in turn keeps original families together. See http://caritas.org/frnewsroom/press_releases/PressRelease23_02_10.html

The US Conference of Catholic Bishops issued a statement that has the same reunification language as UNICEF. http://www.usccb.org/comm/archives/2010/10-027.shtml

Also, statistics are often skewed when it comes to Haiti children to drive up the need for international adoption as the ONLY solution. See New England Journal of Medicine recent report http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/NEJMp1001820 mentioning 50,000 total children without parents (of 350,000) in orphanages. The restavek estimate varies widely, but those are children with families as well. I don’t think that is due to a “cultural” reason as much as one born out of a poverty situation. It is a complicated Haitian Poverty Crisis, not a Haitian Orphan Crisis (and that certainly DOES mimic other countries that allow international adoption.)

The media’s reports and your blog post do not mention the Haitian government’s role, but everyone-else-under-the-sun’s role. Why is it always UNICEF and not the sovereign government that is the issue?

Comment on You’re Not My Mother by red huff

red huff — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 16:17:12 +0000

It would probably be good just to say “no, I’m not your mother but I chose to take care of you because your mother was not able to take care of you herself. I take that responsibility very seriously. Your mother and the whole world trusts that I will do everything a good mother is suppose to do for her child only I have to do it without the cape the crown or title. The last time I checked I had no say in who raised me either so as long as your living under my roof you’ll live by my rules love me or hate me you’re stuck with me and I’m glad to be raising you.