There are things I don’t fault Donna for – she did try to learn Mandarin before she went to China – her daughter spoke Cantonese…while she claims her agency (the same one I used) didn’t tell her this, it would only have take a tiny bit of research to find out that her daughter lived in a Cantonese speaking province. We knew very little Mandarin (go to bathroom, are you hungry, yes, no, thank you…those type of things) it is not as important as you would imagine if you willing to “listen” to your child…something Donna was not doing as she continued to declare “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me”. If you use a gentle tone your child will “listen” to you as well. I’m not a big advocate of getting a translator. For us, our daughter refused to speak to strangers in China anyway. Very well meaning people would try to speak with her in Chinese and got nothing back.

I think meeting the foster family in China was very brave. We did that – it is scary. In our case our daughters foster family was a very high ranking person and that added to our stress but it was important for Jess to see that her foster parents were OK with us well. It eased the transition as I am sure it did for Faith.

I think we saw a good example of the lesson you were teaching your daughter (natural consequences) in the “marker argument” between Faith and her mother. Clearly you had not seen what happened before but Mom was rightly standing her ground and giving alternatives…you can use crayons or pencils, not markers. Bravo. Faith is clearly acting out in anger not heartbreak.

So while I think she did some things right – I couldn’t imagine a better example of how not handle most of the early transition. And for that reason I STILL believe this will be a valuable tool to teach adoptive parents of older children what not to do…especially while still in China.

At the end of the 76 minutes, I thought Faith looked like a well adjusted happy silly little girl. She was assuring her foster sister in China that she shouldn’t be afraid of being adopted and that her new family would be good and would love her. Faith’s apparent adjustment is the primary reason that I can’t be too critical of the Sadowskys. Yes, they made some mistakes, but fortunately most kids can handle mistakes. Especially if there is also plenty of love along with the imperfection.

I was also struck by Donna’s imploring Faith to tell her how she’s feeling and tell her what’s wrong. Many adult native English speakers would have trouble finding the requisite emotional language to express such complex feelings. In many ways, I doubt Faith would have been able to express this in Chinese. I doubt she had any idea what labels to attach to an experience so alien and so traumatic. Donna wanted Faith to surmount the language barrier, yet she did not try to do her part by learning even a small amount of rudimentary Chinese.

One thing that really stuck with me was the whole language thing. I couldn’t help but wonder/worry about what would have happened if the filmmaker had not been present to translate! How on earth would the mom have communicated with Faith? And (this may sound judgmental, but I don’t mean it to be) what was the mom thinking, not knowing at least enough Mandarin/Cantonese to communicate basic things with Faith? I understand that learning a new language is hard, but still, it seems like the least she could have done was to learn enough to get by for the first few months. I wonder how that would have facilitated the transition….would it have made certain aspects easier on Faith and on the family?

A little background information about myself: my boyfriend Kevin and I are 23-years-old, and hope to adopt internationally someday. After dating for a while, we discovered we both felt a passion to adopt since we were small children, and this eventually lead us to stumble across Dawn’s “The Complete Book of International Adoption”. The two of us are continually searching for new information on the subject, to expand our knowledge and prepare ourselves for the future, as well as advocate for awareness on all things international adoption (Suggestions of other documentaries, films, and reading materials’ are welcome). Thus, I thought “Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy” would be a wonderful learning tool to add to our collection.

I would like to begin by saying that I cannot explain my gratitude to the Sadowsky’s for sharing their life (warts and all) with the rest of us. I may not have experience adopting as of yet, but I know enough to know I would not have the courage to let someone film me during the process. And although not all of the moments we were privileged with seeing were “perfect”, it was these moments that were most instrumental in gaining wisdom (and for that I am appreciative).

It is my hope and belief that this film will cultivate a greater awareness in the general public surrounding the topic of international adoption, and as I know it already did for two people, engender confidence and knowledge before walking the adoption trail so many have traveled before us. And I think, that’s what it’s all about.