After deciding that adoption is the right choice for building your family, you naturally want everyone to be as excited as you.  Unfortunately, this may not happen.  While you are at the screaming it from the roof top stage, your parents, siblings and extended family may be at the “Slow down and consider your options” stage or the “Are you nuts” stage.  Remember that your decision to adopt evolved over time after much researching, soul searching, discussing, and praying.  Unless you’ve shared every step of this journey with them, your family has not had the benefit of this process.  So while it might be nice if they were totally psyched about your adoption, it’s probably unfair to expect them to be at the same place as you.

Filed under: Adoption, Adoptive Parenting
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We’re starting a new semi-regular (read: whenever I get around to it or get inspired) feature over here at Creating a Family.  I’m calling it EGAD “about” Infertility Day, which stand for Educate Great Aunt Debbie (as well as the rest of the world) about Infertility Day.  It’s pronounced Eee Gad, as in the expression of horror or consternation that might be used when your expressions of horror or consternation must be G rated.  Somehow, an expletive seemed appropriate for discussing infertility, and the G rating seemed appropriate for Great Aunt Debbie (as well as the rest of the world).  If we can have National Quilting Day and Clean Off Your Desk Day, then surely there’s room on the calendar for EGAD Infertility Day.

Filed under: Infertility
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I love summer—especially the beginning of summer.  I live in the southern mountains so we can leave the windows open to the sounds and smells of June without the annoyance of air conditioning.  The garden is at that robust, yet still orderly stage, and the farmers market is full of glorious peaches, beet greens, cantaloupes, and strawberries.  I love absolutely everything about summer, except the guilt.

Filed under: General parenting
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In last week’s blog I talked about trying to accept my teens and tweens need to dress in a uniform.  I understand the need for security clothing, just like I understood the need for a security blanket when they were younger; I just don’t always like their chosen uniform.  A well meaning newly adoptive mom emailed me to ask if I thought my children’s need to fit in with their peers was related to adoption, and if so, what she could do to prevent this from happening to her beloved child.  Her comment reminded me of one of my pet peeves with much of adoption literature today.  In our attempt to fully prepare adoptive parents for all the issues they may face, I think we risk creating an atmosphere of paranoia where every little thing portends a significant adoption related problem.   

Filed under: Adoption, Adoptive Parenting
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I attended the obligatory annual piano recital for my eight-grade daughter last night.  It’s a gala occasion held at a church with about 50 or so people in attendance.  Amidst the food and congratulations that followed, a fellow mom came up to me and said, “I’m glad to see my daughter is not the only one in jeans, but at least I got her into shoes.”  (The last part was a veiled—or actually not so veiled– reference to my kid’s flip flops.)  “Maybe someday,” she continued, “I’ll get mine out of that darn blue jacket.”  It’s true, her daughter always wears jeans and the same blue Abercrombie & Fitch jacket everywhere, no matter the season or occasion, just like my daughter always wears jeans and flip flops, no matter the season or occasion.

Filed under: General parenting
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Sometimes there is nothing lonelier than waiting to become a parent.  Whether you’re on the infertility merry-go-round (appointments, shots, peeing, waiting, and praying) or playing the adoption waiting game (filling out forms, chasing paper, checking online forums for the latest rumors, jumping at every phone call, and praying), this baby quest is all consuming.  A woman I consulted with a few weeks ago said it perfectly when she called it an obsession.  But sometimes this obsession becomes a bit wearing on your circle of family and friends, and just maybe, your partner.  So, where do you put all this baby-lust energy, before it drives the rest of the world to plan exit strategies when they see you coming?

Filed under: Adoption, Infertility
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“Old” is a relative term, constantly changing depending on the company you keep and the times you live. When I had my first child, I followed my inherently nosey nature and read the doctor’s chart that was left in the room while I waited. There for all the world to see at the top of my chart were the words “Elderly Gravida”. Elderly??? Moi??? Me of perfect cholesterol, low heart rate, and kick-butt quads??? Who did they think they were kidding? I told anyone who asked, and a few who didn’t, to get with the program: thirty was the new twenty.

Filed under: General Musings, Infertility
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I love my family. Really, I do. Most days I love being a wife and a mom, complete with all the chauffeuring, spectating, cajoling, and listening that goes along with the job description. But every once in awhile, I crave the single life. The joy of only having to worry about what I want to do, what I want to eat, where I want to go.  So once a year, I escape.

Filed under: Main
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I read an essay by Lisa Belkin in the NYT last week that got me thinking. The impetus for the essay, titled Too Many Ways to Have a Baby?, was the announcement by Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew Broderick that they were expecting twins via surrogacy this summer. The essay itself was the fairly standard “Gosh darn, they can do just about anything with technology and where is it going to end” type article. It seemed a bit dated to me since surrogacy is hardly state of the art or shocking in 2009. And although it’s always a bit frustrating when something like surrogacy or donor eggs is lumped together with the Texas mother wanting to harvest her dead son’s sperm to create her own grandchildren or with Octomom, I suppose inclusion of these examples is fair since the purpose of the essay was to show where unrestricted technology can lead. But the part of the essay that I found interesting, in a disturbing sort of way, were the comments from readers.

Filed under: Adoption, Infertility
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So, what with the US State Department Travel Alert, the drug cartel shootings and kidnappings, and the Swine Flu outbreak, where would you want to go for Spring Break? Mexico, of course. And that’s exactly what I did with my family last week. I led a multigenerational group (teens to late 60s and every decade in between) to work at two orphanages in Colima, Colima, Mexico. It was less cavalier, and certainly less risky, than it sounds. We were far away from the US border or any tourist areas. Colima has had no problems with drug shootings or kidnappings. Although it is a beautiful city, it is not a tourist draw, so less likely to be a place for kidnappers to seek Americans. We didn’t hear about the Swine flu until we returned home, so we were blissfully unaware of that risk. In truth, I felt perfectly safe the entire week—safer, in fact, than I feel in most US cities. (I talked with a couple of Mexicans who expressed fear of traveling to the US because of “all the mass shootings”, so I suppose the media focus on foreign dangers is not just an American obsession.)

Filed under: General Musings, General parenting
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